Blog War 101: Causes and Backgrounds of the Blog Conflict
In the beginning ... there was a mailing list.
And on the mailing list... was a joke.
Christine said, "I'm envisaging a scene where Picard suddenly pours out his feelings to Bev, and she immediately introduces him to her younger and studlier poolboy who speaks in single syllables but has the stamina of marathon runner."
And Lori responded with a very small epic:
Star Trek X: The Poolboy
Codes: C/m, P, Lx/7, J/h
Picard: Doctor -- Beverly -- in spite of the fact that it's a decade and several romances later, I've suddenly decided to voice my undying love for you. Kiss me.
Crusher: Sorry, Jean-Luc, but I've fallen in love with the poolboy.
Picard: But we have no pool on this ship!
Crusher: Well, that would explain how he's able to spend all his time fulfilling my every fantasy.
Janeway (enters room, puts hands on hips): I have the perfect solution. Captain Picard, this is Annika Hansen. We call her Seven.
Seven (slinks in and glances disdainfully at Crusher): There is a. . . poolboy, in the corridor, looking for you.
Crusher (leaps up and prances out of the room, tossing off clothing as shegoes.)
Picard (staring at Seven's implants, and her vestigal Borg hardware): Captain Janeway, could you give us some time alone?
Janeway: Of course. I'll just be down at the Riker/Troi wedding reception in Ten Forward, with my date, Mr. Homm. (leaves)
Seven (husky-voiced and smiling): Resistance is futile.
Picard: I'd like to test a theory, if I may.
Seven: You may test any theory you like. . . Locutus.
(Picard turns her around and gives her a good shove. She hits the floor implants-first and bounces 180 degrees, landing flat on her back. Picard watches her struggle to stand up again; thanks to her ridiculous spike heels, she falls repeatedly.)
Picard: That's what I thought. Excuse me, but I'll be on my bridge dealing with this movie's cliched crisis in progress. I just hope it isn't another damned time travel scenario, the things crop up like weeds. I'll send along someone with a pair of reasonable shoes and some clothes to help you. (leaves the room.)
(Seven rolls around on the floor helplessly as the catsuit is so tight she can't really bend her limbs. The door opens. Lwaxana flutters in.)
Lwaxana: Oh, hello, dear! I'm here to help you with those UN-comfortable clothes! What misery you are in! I could sense it all the way down at the reception.
(She uses a finely-tuned laser scalpel to remove all of Seven's clothing and helps the ex-Borg stand. Seven stares at the woman.)
Seven: You... are naked!
Lwaxana: Well of course! I've been at my daughter's wedding! You know. . .you're really quite beautiful. I can see you were thinking about the captain -- let me tell you, dear, the man's hopelessly repressed. Now, I, on the other hand, have a very open mind and plenty of experience. . . .
(Seven smiles. The women embrace. The door opens. Sloan strides in, phasers the couple into nothingness, blows across the end of his weapon, and nods, satisfied.)
Sloan: The captain was right. There was a definite instance of justifiable homicide. The thought of homosexuals, on a Federation vessel! Looks like the silicon that the Borg purloined from Plastica IV has finally resurfaced, too. Too bad about the Betazoid, but at least now they'll get someone else to do computer voices. Damn, that woman's voice annoys me.
(Leaves, whistling the Goldfinger theme music.)
The response was overwhelming, and Liz asked, "Can we cast David Boreanaz as the pool boy? Please?"
The wackiness continued... The poolboy made appearances in Liz's fic "Borgicide
", and Lori innocently said, "Maybe we'll have to start a new heading on the S31 page, a subpage -- Section 31 Pool Boy fic. :-D And to think it all started with a conversation on the list. Mwahahahahaha!"
The poolboys made other appearances, too...
Lori: I've thought about a pool boy series. The Pool Boys of Starfleet. To massage and give foot rubs, to provide clean towels and fresh drinks, and to look damned fine where no pool boy has swaggered before.
Jemima: How about a Mirror-Mirror Pool Boy - Intendant Janeway and her personal servant Chakotay. I can just picture Janeway with a crinkly little Bajoran nose...
Liz: My muse is not
missing. It's just ... gone. Or it's drinking something alcoholic and flirting with pool boys. With my muse, you can never tell.
Lori: Oh, so it was your muse at the gym. She got the pool boy fired for taking off to the local dance bar and forgetting to clock out.
Then that list died, and from the ashes, Zendom
was born, and the poolboys were there for the delivery.
Christine: We're spreading the poolboy message to the rest of the world - and once we've done that, our purpose in life will be complete...
Zendom's early discussion centred around Real Person Fic, which led to a challenge from Lori to Seema. Seema obediently wrote two RPFs, "How an Ensign Became a Pool Boy
" and "The Poolboy Diaries
Then she blamed Lori, and the rest was war.